Fatty to Fighter: Condition this…


Since my tits arrived on Wednesday I have had an emotional week overall. I had reason to celebrate and I also had to really push through some hard mental blocks this weekend.

After my shins got destroyed on Wednesday with James I decided to take Thursday and Friday off to allow myself a little recovery time. I have to listen to my body and sometimes with my arthritis, when I can feel the inflammation coming, I have to slow myself.


Another reason I wanted Thursday off is because it was my wife’s last chemotherapy of this latest round, so I went and sat with her at the hospital while she murked it big time. After chemo my wife decided we should celebrate, with cake.

I knew this would be a bad idea since I am a complete and utter crackhead with sugar, but who am I to stop my wife from having cake after chemo?

So I went, bought a massive bastard cake and brought it home like a proud hunter gatherer to my wife. It ended up that she had a slice or two and I had nearly 3/4 of it over 2 days…….the shame…..but also the beauty of that buttercream filled son of a bitch, was glorious. Whilst I had cake, I still managed to stay relatively healthy with my other food. Chicken and rice – again. I CANNOT wait for these prepped meals.

Motivation Struggles

When it came to Saturday and I had to get myself up and out to the gym again, I realised there was something wrong, I really couldn’t be fucking arsed. I felt like my body wasn’t feeling great, and I would like to blame the high sugar content of the past two days, but who the fuck knows? Either way I wrestled with my brain and my body. Both were telling me not to do it and I was constantly putting excuses in my head. Then I remembered something that Daren had said to me the week before at my strength and conditioning session. “I want to be sick” he said when we were talking about training styles. What he meant was that no matter how hard it was going to be, he didn’t care, and that the attitude to have is fuck this, I am going to do it no matter what happens.

So I got myself to the gym and did better than I have for a while. I upped my weights and put in what can only be described as a vest worthy performance (all guys in the gym wear vests – I assumed it was a badge of honour, that can be justified with plenty of posing pics in the gym mirror).

I’m glad that for some reason that one sentence from Daren resonated with me, because I think if it hadn’t, Saturday’s smash would have been a wasted day with me complaining how fat I am to my wife.

Meet Daren

Speaking of Daren, I would like to introduce you to him. His full name is Daren Headley and he runs his own company called Chinnor Kettlebells (strangely enough he’s based in Chinnor) and also does an MMA podcast called Slap Head Giraffe (check it out on iTunes). This is how I met Daren, as we both do podcasts and with that you have to promote over twitter etc and we got talking. Once Daren saw the blog, he immediately offered his services to me. He has been the strength and conditioning coach for his podcast partner Chris Fensom, who is the Light Heayweight champ in the Battle Arena UK organisation, so I knew I would be in good hands.

Taking the drive to Chinnor last friday, I had no clue what I was in for, other than that Daren had told me there would be a test, to see where my fitness is. Lets just say, its nowhere fucking near good enough. The test was only 7 mins, and I thought “pfftttt…..7 mins, I can do that out my arse”. How wrong I was. The first two mins were wall ball throws with a 7 kilo ball, then 2 mins of kettle bell swings, followed with a sexy two mins of crossover things in a press up position and then one minute of tossing a 10 kilo medicine ball over my shoulders (Videos of this will be on my IG @jockstrapsbacon). It doesn’t sound that tough, but you trying doing it – it will destroy your spirit and make you rethink all those nights of boozing and smoking.

Daren has a “leaderboard” in his workout garage and I ranked around 2nd from bottom But what really pissed me off is that a lady named June in her 50’s did nearly double what I could. Fucking June. Soul destroying, yet also invigorating. There is no pissing way by the end of this that June is going to be ahead of me.

Just to top off the test, Daren then put me through some pad work and bag work. He had these little sensors that you can put in your gloves, that measures how many punches you throw and the average velocity. Very upmarket for a fat lad from Coventry.  I can’t remember how many rounds and minutes we did now, as it was all a bit of a blur to me, but at the end I do remember Daren making me go an extra minute just to destroy the pads. I couldn’t feel my shoulders, but Daren got me through it, encouraging me every part of the way. I can’t wait to do this again and see what Daren has in store for me, when I train again with him next Friday. As we know cardio is king and I can’t wait to not feel the need to die every time I do 13 press ups.

Stepping the game up

This week coming I am really upping the game, with my new meals coming and me being nutritionally in balance finally, I can focus on just training. I am hoping if my body holds up that I will be able to train Muay Thai twice a week and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu twice a week also. I should be starting that this week and will let you know if I am alive on Thursday. I suspect this next week or two are going to be tough as shit, but I know that once I get through that initial stage I’ll be feeling good and ready for more.

Til next time fuckers…

Please check out the people supporting me on this journey through their Instagram accounts:

James Dixon (Coach) – @james.dixon.martial.arts


Rob Dawson (Sports Psychology) – @Mindsport_Ltd


Daren AKA Slaphead (Strength & Conditioning) – @chinnor_kettlebells


Simply Prep (Food prep company and nutrition) – @simplyprepmeals



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