This week has been a hard one, I have suffered with depression on numerous occasions and this week I have felt it reeling it’s ugly head again. This has in turn affected my training and motivation.
I am not depressed due to fighting and I am not trying to find an out from this journey, but I do have to accept that my mental health will always falter at some point. I don’t enjoy this part of my life, but it’s a real thing.
I have only trained once this week and that was weight training, the reason for this is because my wife has really not been in a good place.
She finished chemotherapy 2 weeks ago and the lingering affects are still making her ill. She is sick usually once a day, minimum. Mix that in with extreme fatigue and it is a really shit situation.
Every time I thought about training, it became an extra weight hanging over me (and I don’t mean my moobs). If you have never suffered from depression, this can be a hard concept to comprehend. You may think, “Oh just go and do it you big Jessie” and while that is a great attitude to have, your mind just won’t allow you to escape its own shit.
After my wife’s latest round of chemo the normal tests and scans were done.
This time it was an indifferent result. The tumours have shrunk all over her body, including the spine, hip, lungs, and the brain is still in remission. However, the tumours that had previously shown in her liver might have got bigger.
So while it was good news overall, it was difficult to take in and understand.
This has all led me to be mentally exhausted after taking care of my wife for the last two years and taking on this new blog/adventure. I am grateful for all of it, however it can beat you down.
I won’t let it do that. I know I have had a bad week and I know that I have been starting to feel more down, now it is time to do something different. Instead of allowing the mentalness to capitulate, I have decided to go full pelt into my training next week and literally beat this misery out of me.
I can’t let this control me. I WILL murk it.
Please check out the people supporting me on this journey through their Instagram accounts:
James Dixon (Coach) – @james.dixon.martial.arts
Rob Dawson (Sports Psychology) – @Mindsport_Ltd
Daren AKA Slaphead (Strength & Conditioning) – @chinnor_kettlebells
Simply Prep (Food prep company and nutrition) – @simplyprepmeals
Use the code “fatty” for 10% off all orders