“The Grinch Set”
We bumped into Kitty King on our most recent in-house shoot; recreating the much loved Xmas film by sexing her up to be a better looking version of the cult fave.
Far from a monster; we opted to leave the prosthetics at home and shove a shish pipe in the mix, well… just because.
Now here’s some of those NAUGHTY festive things we all love to do this time of year.
After-all, it’s GOOD to be BAD.
1. SEX IN PUBLIC PLACES
Yes it may be illegal, but it sure is fun! Shagging on the bonnet of a dark green Peugeot 306 in a frosted over field at 3am is the shady sorta shit dreams are made of. If you get caught well… that’s just a bonus. Don’t forget to dress up as Santa next time just for added kicks; after all no-ones gunna arrest Santa with his pants down.
…Well we may as well ask her if bears shit in the woods BUT we asked Kitty if she’s ever had sex in public. Her response: Well, I did once have girl on girl fumble in a jacuzzi? wait thats not dead public is it.. ok, erm… well there was this time in the back of a empty nightclub VIP area, we couldn’t wait so snuck in and sat on one of the empty tables. I shifted my dress to one side and was grinding on him for about half an hour!! No one knew a thing!
2. ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS
So, you have a bird who wants a pricey designer bag on the 25th. Lets face it: if she doesn’t get it then she’s not putting out til’ Spring. Yeah ur gfs an arguable 6.5 out of 10 but can you really be blamed for wanting some Mildred the Milf action in light of this? After all, the only thing Mildred wants off you this Christmas is 8 minutes at premium rate of £3.50. TV sex lines may just be your life line this winter, but is there really a such a thing a so-called porn-cheating??
Here’s what Kitty thinks: HAH! absolutely not. It’s just like VR Porn (which I’ve tried by the way its so crazy!) men have their needs and as long as they don’t touch who cares! I work on the TV lines myself so obviously Im biased but you’d rather your boyfriend call me and chat through a screen than meet up with another woman in person! – am I right??
3. Xmas Day Wake ‘n’ Bake
Erm… Why is this legal in Amsterdam, along with prostitution? Those Dutch bastards don’t realise how lucky they are! A steaming great big bong is just what the doctor ordered at 9am so fuck those posh fucks with their eggs Benedict. Your far too hungover for those family niceties and need something to take off the edge off Uncle Knob ‘Edd. And anyway… your nan’s too busy watching the Queens speech to notice your neck melting into your shoulders. Grind away veterans!
Any interesting weed stories we should know about Kitty? Oh god no I don’t touch anything I am proper fridgid in that department! But come to mention it I got spiked (by myself) a few weeks ago with weed. I didn’t really know what it was as don’t smoke so gave it a whirl…kept taking bits as it seemed to do nothing. Anyway, One thing led to another and next thing I know I’m laid flat on this guys apartment floor convinced I’m a piece of Salami and his over friendly cat is trying to eat me!!
Hmm. Guess we will leave that there then. Thanks for sharing.
Real Fake Presents
OK so this one ‘aint good to be bad at all really. Yeah you may save some money but it will do nothing for your street cred. Anyone got them freaks off of the old Facebook selling Hugo buff, Channelle and even fake Nike trainers in abundance at the min? The only Channelle we wanna see under our tree this year is an extra off shameless. At least you can have a pint with her down the local when ya brothers being a tee total scrooge. I mean fuck right off… if you need to buy fake Nike you really ought to reintegrate your cheapskate self back into society. This year call these minge bags out. We dare ya!!
Kitty’s tip: Socks are your friend. Even unbranded socks over fake gear. Remember this boys!!! p.s. I like Louis Vuitton 😉
5. Leaving your Wife & Kids
Yes. This is generally frowned upon so could you not??
Kitty: Yeah, you sick fucks!!
MERRY GRINCHMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT